Acceptance

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am on the autistic spectrum. For years I had suspect it, but the first time it got brought up there was a lot of hostility and shame directed at me for it so I have been reluctant to really talk about it again. But I’ve continued reading up about it, watching videos of other autistic people describe their life experience and every time I’m just like “yeah, that’s me.” So I haven’t had an official diagnosis, a couple of people have said it’s very expensive, when I get back to going to therapy it will be something I bring up.

On a somewhat related note, I’ve also accepted that I will never be a Dominant figure. Aside from the inability to really understand social cues (see above paragraph) I am too timid and too anxious to take command. I’m probably best to be left alone with my synthesizers.

Published by Echo Haus

My name is AJ. I lived my life to this date in the Chicagoland area and I have a deep-rooted obsession with music and sound. From playing in experimental bands as a kid, trying to mutate the sound of my guitar into anything but a guitar, to venturing out on my own now and collaborating with other artists. The element I really fell in love with was creating live soundtracks over silent horror and sci-fi movies! It first started with my band Braille Night. We would play absurdly loud ambient music in the upstairs of a coffee house for hours. One of the members came up with the idea of using a silent movie to direct the feeling of the music. And now a decade + later I'm still doing that frequently, mostly in collaboration with Comfort Station here in Chicago for their summer series "Silent Films and Loud Music". Sound was only the beginning for me though. The past couple years I have gone done the path of video synthesis, VJing, and programming stage lighting. Most notably for Lorelei Dreaming, where I have spent hours synchronizing lights to emphasize the mood of the music and Lorelei herself as she entrances the audience with her voice and presence, and manipulate video as a live performance jamming along to the music and lights. What does the future hold? I want to take my experiences, skills, and passions to the next level. Put out more music. Work on a soundtracks for current movies, shorts, video games, or what-have-you. Lend my patience and knowledge to programming stage lights for other bands. Basically, I want eat, sleep, and breathe this stuff!

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